Winnie V. Williams

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RELIGION AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

In my adult life I have heard more than 3,000 sermons and do not recall hearing the issue of domestic violence addressed in a single sermon until this past Sunday when our pastor mentioned women’s abuse along with several other evils encountered today. Why has domestic abuse been absent from the teachings of the church? Is it that we are ashamed to admit that there are deacons and leaders in our churches who may be abusers? There are four million women battered by male partners in the US each year and of these 36,000 are women in SC (SC Attorney General Report). Are none of these abusers in churches?

Domestic violence has probably existed as long as there have been marriages and relationship among men and women regardless of whether the abuser in the marriage is religious or not. Religious beliefs have been used to justify as well as to denounce violence against women. The Bible, according to some provides males justification for being the heavy-handed partner par their interpretation of such Scriptures as Ephesians 5: 22, “wives submit to your husband’s”, as their God given right to forcefully “manage their women” as they choose. However, a verse following Ephesians 5:22-23 states, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church”. (Ephesians 5:24)

In every situation when Jesus encountered women he was positive in his relationship offering help to them, such as the woman at the well. There are no examples of his demeaning or degrading a woman.

Religious teachings are sometime distorted or misinterpreted to justify violence toward women with some men even stating that it is “God’s will” to keep woman “under control”. Most biblical scholars suggest that when the full context of the numerous biblical verses are used to justify violence are examined in their full context, scripture cannot be used to justify abuse of women and that it is inappropriate to believe that Biblical scriptures can be generalized to batter women.

This misinterpretation leads the battered woman to feelings of guilt and self shame that she is unable to please her husband. That she must “turn the other cheek”, try to be a better wife, pray more, love more, and be submissive. She may fear telling her minister or others of the abuse for fear they may take the side of the abuser, or tell her that God will not give her more than she can bear, or suggest that the sanctity of marriage should be held above everything else. She may even believe that abuse is normal and thus accept her fate.

Carol Adams, in her book Woman Battering, says, "When a woman comes to a minister for counseling her concerns may relate to, “a loss of faith, a feeling of God’s abandonment, being in a spiritual war or anger at God”. Adams states that women will approach a clergy person regarding her situation more likely if ministers mention during the worship service the evil of domestic violence.

Counseling both the abused and the abuser is delicate. Ministers should be cognizant that counseling the male and the abused woman together is not usually the most appropriate approach. Ministers should avail themselves of information on counseling abused women and be aware that they may need to refer the abused woman to professional counselors who are trained to deal with such matters.

Several means of assisting abused women are available to ministers and churches. Ministers can insert in their sermons regarding the evil of violence and that the church and its members stand ready to assist the abused and the abuser. Churches can enlist trained individual to speak at church meetings, place remarks in the church’s weekly newspapers, and in their prayers pray for the abused woman and as well as for her abuser.

Often when the abuser is confronted by his minister regarding his behavior things begin to happen. However, some men feel no remorse and it becomes more difficult to help them.

Religion can be a roadblock as well as a positive resource for abused women. An article entitled “DV and Violence” in “’you’re Not Alone” states that “an informed, compassionate clergy person can contribute to the healing process of domestic violence.” The article further states that clergy are becoming more informed in the area of domestic violence and of the need to support victims in staying safe. The article places these three goals for ministers: SAFETY for women and children; ACCOUNTABILITY for the abuser; RESTORATION of individuals, if possible, in relationships. Ministers need to believe women’s stories, and reassure them that the abuse is not her fault nor is it the will of God for her to be violated.

When a woman is concerned about breaking the marriage covenant she needs to know that her partner’s violence broke the marriage covenant when he violated her and that God does not want her in a relationship of violence where she and her children are constantly abused and possibly face death. Each year approximately 45 women in SC die of domestic abuse. It is not the will of God that women or children perish at the hands of an abuser.

In most marriages men provide amicable and good-natured relationships. As beneficiaries women need to offer praise for the grace of have accommodating and loving relationship but we must not forget those who are less fortunate.

Winnie Williams

Addressing Domestic Violence

My journey continues as I seek to be an advocate for women who are caught in the throes of domestic violence. One of my most recent involvements has been a series of nine articles confronting domestic violence published in eight local newspapers in the upstate of SC. I have dealt with issues as why men abuse women, why women remain in relationship with abusing men, children of battered women, religion and domestic violence, dating abuse and how a community can combat domestic violence.

I also continue to speak to various groups regarding domestic violence. My recent speaking has included a group of educators, a Chamber of Commerce, a Pentecostal Holiness church, a group of Baptist women, and spoke at a Brunch for some 100 Wesleyan women. These opportunities have given me the opportunity of specifically addressing issues in SC. SC ranks number 7 in the cases of abuses in the nation with approximately 36,000 women abused annually. We so need to break the chain of domestic violence for all women.

Winnie

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Christmas Party for Abused Women and their Children

Among the many Christmas parties I have hosted in my home over the years I hosted the most meaningful party ever a few nights ago when women who have experienced domestic violence and their children came to celebrate the Holiday season. These women and their children reside at Safe Harbor in SC which is a shelter for abused women. Most of them left their home of discord and violence with just the clothes they wore and nothing much else. Here at Christmastime they live in a strange environment, away from home and all the familiar comforts they have known, yet they would like to celebrate as we all do with making merry. Being safe from abuse is happiness in itself.

In spite of difficult circumstance they demonstrated a cheerful attitude as they ate hot dogs and all the trimmings, enjoyed hot chocolate and cookies. The greatest joy, however, was Santa's visit with a toy and candy for each child and stockings fill with personal items for the moms.

I shared in the joy of reading a Christmas story to the children and then we all sang Christmas songs. I've never observed such excitement and happiness as these children greeted Santa with hugs and adoration. Hopefully, it helped to have some pleasurable time when life has dealt such a heavy blow to these families.
Winnie

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Domestic Violence in SC

A litle four year old girl will face Christmas this year without a mother or father. She is a victim of domestic violence. When her father became enraged with his wife he thrust the steel blade of a knife into her body driving her to her knees and then a final lunge onto the floor. A wife and mother lay dead in a pool of blood. The father is in prison and a small girl is left without either parent.

This happened less than 20 miles from my home in SC. This mother is one of the approximately 35-40 women in SC that are killed each year. As many as 36,000 women in our state are beaten each year according to the Attorney General of SC. We are the sixth leading state for the number of abused women in the United States.

As we enter the Christmas season I think of these mothers of domestic violence and the many children that live in fear of a violent father. Will it be a Merry Christmas for them?

Monday, April 16, 2007

Response to Price & Privilege of Being a Woman

Just wanted to let you know that I have findished reading The Price & Privilege of Being a Woman. It was a very informative, compleling and moving read. If I hadn't known before I read the book of your "your burning" desire to help these oppressed women, I would know it now. I admire your love for these women and a deep desire to help them rise above their present situation.
Nan

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Your Writings

Your writings capture what the world needs to know, and individually we need to act. You have certainly made a gigantic contribution with this information in print.
Sarah

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